Today, the walls of the dam burst wide open and waterfalls ran down my cheeks. It has been one of those weeks. I’m sure you have had them too. Little by little, the frustrations start to pile up inside the heart. When you don’t stay on top of those little frustrations, they start to push against the walls of your heart. Eventually, it breaks.
I hadn’t been paying attention to those thoughts of discouragement that had been sneaking around the corners of my mind. Nor did I see Unbelief and Fear creep up behind me, waiting to pounce when I was at my lowest.
Last night, I just couldn’t sleep. So many things I had not been able to tick off my to-do list. I had big decisions to make. Decisions that would not just affect me, but my more importantly, the future of my two precious children. Decisions that will demand finance. Finance, that I need to create – that I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to generate. The burden grew heavier and heavier.
With less than a few hours sleep, I woke up to an email that added that last little burden that broke the wall.
Now, before you read on, there might be some spoilers in here if you haven’t read Toby’s Battle yet, you might want to put this on hold.
Several weeks ago, I enlisted some very enthusiastic members of my desired audience (children aged 7-11) to review my new children’s book. Looking for a little bit of social proof. Nothing too complicated. Just a few sentences to say what they enjoyed about the story. You know, we authors need some ammo to market our books.
Instead, I received thorough critical analysis of my writing skills, with evidence of plot holes that hit my fragile heart like a grenade. I was in pieces.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the honesty, brutal as it may be, because it helps me improve my language and writing skills. But it hit buttons in me that were setting off landmines all over my soul.
The piece of feedback that was common in all the reviews I received, was that the battle between Toby and (spoiler alert) the Trolls, were over too quickly. The entire story leads up to this point and then the battle is over within a couple of pages.
My first reaction was not pretty.
I knew I had no business writing a book for kids!
I am terrible at this!
Why did I ever allow myself to think I could ever be successful as a writer?
Add a little snot and tears, plenty of self-pity, and a dash of mania. That was me, this morning.
Once I calmed down a little bit and reached out like a tired toddler for the arms of my Father, He reminded me of something rather pertinent. Toby’s battle was not really with the three silly trolls that were pillaging the village. The real battle was the unseen one. The battle that was raging in his heart and mind. Those thoughts that convinced him that he was not good enough to be the one chosen to make a difference. The lies that tangled him up in unbelief and fear. That was where the actual battle took place.
It was the kindness of the King that quieted Toby’s heart and gave him the courage to banish those trolls to the realm from which they came. Who said that battle had to be difficult? When you know who you are and how much you are loved… When you know the authority in which you walk… When you know the power of the weapon you carry… It’s not really a fair fight for the trolls, right?
Toby did not have to fight. He needed to remember who he was. He needed to confront the trolls. He needed to hold on to his sword. The sword did the work for him. Job done!
Ironically, the battle that I sent my protagonist into, the battle that he so beautifully fought, the unseen battle… I lost that battle today. But, I will stand up, shake of the dust, brush my hair and continue to do what the kind King chose me to do. And I will try my very best to pay attention to the battles, that I cannot see. I will banish those trolls: Discouragement, Fear and Unbelief!
Beautiful friend, I pray that you will fearlessly fight the unseen battle of the heart and mind. May you spend time with your kind King until you know who you are and how much you are loved. May you be convinced into the very fibre of your being, of the authority in which you walk. May you hold tight to the power of the Word that is alive in your heart. It was never going to be a fair fight. You have already won!
A Light for Your Path
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
Heart Print
Today I hear the Father say: “Brave One, how I am blessed by your faithfulness. I love the fearless way in which you offer up the broken pieces of your heart and display each beautiful fragment as a sign for those who need to find me. I will let my fire fall on every piece. Your offering is sweet and comforting to my heart. Blessing I will bless you. Multiplying I will multiply you. I am the one who bless the works of your hands an make you prosper in every way. You are mine, Beloved.” ❤️
